‘I feel guilty masturbating while thinking about celebrities’

I masturbate to porn. I also masturbate over sexy pics of famous celebrities. They haven’t necessarily consented so is what I do wrong?

Hi, I am a 16 year old guy from London; I’ll get to it straight, I masturbate to porn. But I understand that the actresses in porn consented to it knowing men out there would masturbate to them having sex. But I also find myself masturbating over memories of attractive teachers or sexy pics of famous celebrities like [ __________ ], [ ________ ] and [ __________ ]. They haven’t necessarily consented to men masturbating over them, so is what I do wrong? It’s making me feel guilty about myself.

Hey Hey

Thanks for your question – this is really interesting!

All of these people are consenting to being in public: either having sex or getting naked on camera, or being on TV, or being seen in class on the street. None of them are necessarily consenting to you thinking about them whilst masturbating – even the people in porn. They are going about their business being singers, performers, celebrities and teachers. The crucial thing is that they don’t know what you are thinking, so they aren’t being harmed.

They aren’t being harmed because you aren’t doing anything to them or with them. If you were to name the people you think about when you masturbate (I’ve removed the celebrity names you mentioned) or contact them through twitter or told them in person – that might be wrong. That would (I think) be a sexual act that involves them that they wouldn’t be consenting to. They might find that offensive, creepy or harmful because they didn’t ask you to do this. Just like if they were in the same room as you and you masturbated looking at them, that would be wrong, even if they didn’t know, because it was an act that involved (or could have involved) them.

However if there was absolutely no way of them knowing then you aren’t having sex with them. It’s a sexual act for you but not for them. If you were to ask them for their consent to masturbate that would be non-consensual and wrong because you would be involving them. So ethically, so long as you don’t tell them and your fantasies stay in your head you aren’t doing anything wrong or non-consensual. However, you might still not feel great about it.

It’s okay to have sexual fantasies. In fact most people probably have them. Sometimes they can be quite mundane and basic, sometimes they can be really complicated. Sometimes they are about you or people you might know or real people or fictional characters. Even if they are real people, you are having a sexual fantasy with your mind’s version of them, which isn’t really them. Sometimes they might not really be about people but how something might feel, or look. It could be a straightforward story or it could be something really complicated. It can be anything.Sexuality Fantasy what we do who we are. Sometimes they all overlap, sometimes not. It's okay to have a fantasy and it's okay not to act on it.

Fantasies don’t have to mean anything if you don’t want them to. They are a part of people’s sexualities but only one part. Sometimes our fantasies overlap with stuff that we want to do, or they overlap with how we identify, sometimes they are just separate. Having a fantasy doesn’t mean you want to act on it. Perhaps if you think about this some more you might feel more chilled about your fantasies in general.

Hope that helps you!

Big ups

Justin

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